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My Fault

This was my fault.

My insurance company tells me it was nobody’s fault.  The police officer gave me a ticket that said it was my fault.  The poor little college girls I slammed into (who were not injured by the way) were quick to apologize, but it wasn’t their fault.  It was my fault.

Is it bad that my very first thought after I hit the other car was, “my insurance company doesn’t want me to take blame”?  I’m embarrassed to tell you that.  Because I wanted my first thought to be about the other car’s driver and passenger.  I wanted my second thought to be about the possibility of a gas leak and huge explosions (which are only cool at a distance).  I wanted my third thought to be about my own health.  I wanted my fourth thought to be about traffic.  I wanted my fifth thought to be about getting home in time for the bus to pick up my kids.  I wanted the very last thought I had to be about “my insurance company doesn’t want me to take blame.”

There are a lot of things to be embarrassed about in a situation like this.  Here is a list: 1. this was my fault.  2. this happened during rush hour and everybody I know saw me.  3. the college girl took some blame (which was in no way hers). 4. I left my car in the middle of the road for waaaaay too long and when the police officer finally showed up he asked me to move it. 5. a nice person (whom I know) asked if I needed them to pick up my kids from the bus.  6…and the list could go on and on…but the biggest one is that my second statement to the college girl driving (the first was to inquire as to her health) was “I’m sad this happened.”

“I’m Sad This Happened”?????????????????

How on earth did I not say “Holy moly, this was my fault, I’m sorry this happened.  I’m sorry and I’m the one to blame.”  And then when she tried to take blame I should have said, “No, this isn’t your fault…this is my fault.”  Because it was.  But I didn’t.  I’m so embarrassed because I listened to the little recording of my insurance company in my head instead of the voice of truth…and it was a conscious decision.

So…for the record. (don’t car what insurance company is listening).  This was my fault.

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