Hiero-apology

My son, Alex, has a strong will.  Strong like bull.  He’s a force to be reckoned with when he doesn’t get his way or when he’s challenged.  I think this can be a good thing.  I really think it can pay off in the future.  Also, it could pay off when he’s faced with peer pressure in the future.  The struggle is that sometimes he needs to recognize that he is wrong…or has acted poorly.  And when those times arise he needs to learn to apologize.

This is something that he hardly EVER does.  Not sure if this is because he isn’t sold on the fact that he was wrong or actually did something wrong, or if he just doesn’t like to admit what he already knows.  My guess is that usually it is that he doesn’t like to admit it.  So, I think I can count on one hand how many times he has apologized to me without being forced to do so.

Last night was a forced apology.  They’re not my favorite, but I’ll take them.  His heart is never in it, but he’s got to learn what it feels like and get used to it (if he ever gets married he’s going to need that discipline).  His mother went to visit him in his room/cell and gave him the bad news that part of his punishment was to apologize to those he wronged…namely dad.

He didn’t come down, didn’t come down, didn’t come down.  Finally, just before I had to leave for the evening to a meeting he came around the corner and passed me a paper.  Now I’m used to this kind of strategy – write a note of apology.  Everyone wins: you get your apology and he doesn’t have to actually “say” he was wrong (I picture the Fonz doing this kind of thing as a kid).

This note was different.  It was written in hieroglyphics.  A page full of pictures: birds, hands, cups, snakes, squared spirals.  It took some considerable time and energy to do so.  I was impressed.  Next around the corner came another sheet that was a key to understand the glyphs.  This kid is working REALLY hard not to say he is sorry.

God, who have you given us to raise? 

I took his apology and gave him a hug.  Then out the door with my apology in one hand and the key in the other.  I sat in my meeting and painstakingly replied to his heartfelt apology by writing my response of forgiveness in hieroglyphs.  It’s the least I can do, and I’m hoping I’m speaking his language.